I lived through another day. My family was over for what seemed like an eternity, we ate food, I managed to not eat as much as them, which is old residual behaviour from my eating disorder days, it separated me from the weak humans and made me feel superior, now it’s just habit, but I mean they do eat a lot and I don’t even consider Easter a holiday. I don’t feel like writing today, but once you stop it’s hard to get back into the swing of things so here goes nothing; I felt like crying while we were looking for our Easter eggs, I couldn’t tell you exactly why, it’s not like we didn’t all find it absurd, a bunch of adult children looking in the bushes for a Kinder Surprise. It should have been as hilarious as it sounds now that I’m writing it down, but I felt like crying. Ugly crying at that, torrential tears puffy eyes snot nosed crying. There’s many reasons for my unhappiness, I wouldn’t call it depression, more like deep sadness, but none of them are really good. I’m missing something in my life, there’s this pull and push motion going on in my soul, an uncomfortableness, an awareness that I am not happy or satisfied with my life. Wanderlust. Fernweh. Call it what you want, whatever is missing isn’t here, it’s out there, somewhere in the world and I think it requires a passport.


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